var text = new Array( "After a plane crash only two people survived and made it to an island - Santa Singh and Aishwarya Rai.

Santa was careful not to offend the actress for several days, but finallyhe asked her if they could start a physical relationship, so as to attend to each other’s needs.

Aishwarya agreed and a very nice sexual relationship began.

After several months still on the island, Santa said, “I have a problem… It’s kind of a guy thing, but I need to ask you a favor.'

Aishwarya replied, “Okay,' to which he asked, “Can I borrow your eyebrow pencil?'

Santa then asked, “Do you mind if I use the eyebrow pencil to draw a mustache and beard on you?'

Aishwarya was growing worried, but again obliged.

Then Santa said, “Can you wear some of my clothes? I need for you to look more like a man.'

Aishwarya was becoming disappointed at this point, but hesitantly put on his clothes.

Finally, Santa reached out to her and shouted “Oye Banta! You won’t believe who I have been sleeping with!'", "A man walks into a bar and says 'Bartender give me a triple shot of Jack'.

The bartender pours, and the man downs it, slams the glass on the bar and says 'Another'.

The bartender pours another. The man downs it and says 'Another'.

As the bartender pours the third glass he says, 'Mister you drink like you have a problem. Want to talk about it?'

The man says, 'Ten years, ten years I've been married to my wife, and today I go home a little early to surprise her, and I find my best friend, MY BEST FRIEND, in bed having sex with her.'

The bartender says 'Geez, what did you say.'

The man says ' I told him, BAD DOG! BAD DOG!'

Submitted by: ZAMAAN", "The teacher told her class the word of the day was 'dictate' and asked who could spell it.

George raised his hand and he spelled out, 'd-i-k-t-a-t-e.'

The teacher said, 'sorry that's wrong' Then she asked Stephen. Stephen slowly spelled out, 'd-i-c-k-t-a-t-e.'

'Sorry' says the teacher, 'that's not right either.'

Next, she asked Fiona After a slight pause Fiona began spelling, 'd-i-c-t-a-t-e.'

'Very good Fiona,' applauded the teacher, 'that's correct. Now,' the teacher continued, 'who can use this word in a sentence?'

Stephen raised his hand quick as a flash shouting, 'I know - I know,'

'OK' replied the teacher, 'please use the word Santa.'

Santa responded, 'How did my dictate last night, Jaswinder?'

Submitted by: ZAMAAN", "A newly married man was standing in front of a mirror naked and was admiring his physique.

'2 inches more & I will be a king.'

Suddenly the wife comes in and says,'2 inches less and you will be a queen!'

Submitted by: A Sexy Girl", "A man comes back from office to find his wife having sex with a stranger.

He screams at her, 'What do you think you are doing?'

The wife stops and turns to the man in bed with her, 'See, I told you he was stupid.'

Submitted by Vibz", "A man with no arms or legs is sunbathing on the beach.

He is approached by three beautiful young women who take pity on him. The first says to him, ‘Have you ever been hugged?’ The man shakes his head, and she leans down and gives him a big hug.

The second says to him, ‘Have you ever been kissed?’ He shakes his head. She kisses him.

Rather abruptly, the third girl asks, ‘Have you ever been fucked?’ ‘No,’ says the man, his eyes lighting up.

‘Well, you are now. The tide’s coming in.’", "This nun’s standing at a bus stop when a double-decker pulls up. As she gets on, the nun notices she’s the only passenger on the bus, so she turns to the driver and asks, ‘Could you do me a very special favour, Mr Driver?’

‘If I can,’ he replies. ‘Well, the thing is, I have a serious heart problem and I want to have sex for the first time before I die.’

‘Okay,’ answers the driver.

‘There are two conditions, though,’ continues the nun. ‘Firstly, we can’t do it if you’re married, because I don’t want to commit adultery. Secondly, it has to be anal sex, because I have to die a virgin.’

The bus driver gives a nod, so they clamber upstairs and get down to it. When it’s all over, though, the driver’s racked with guilt. ‘I’m so sorry, Sister, but I have a terrible confession – I’m married with three kids.’

‘Don’t fret, Mr Driver,’ replies the nun, sympathetically. ‘I have a confession, too. I’m on my way to a fancy-dress party and my name’s Kevin.’ ", "Three boys are enjoying a quiet night in a pub, when a man stumbles in and orders a beer.

Spying the group, the drunk stumbles over, points at one of the boys and shouts: ‘I’ve fucked your mum!’

The lads ignored him and returned to their beer.

He shouts again: ‘Up the ass!’

Although irritated, they ignore him again. The drunk stands up again points at the boy and yells: ‘Your Mum’s sucked my cock!’

The boy looks up wearily. ‘You’re drunk, Dad. Go home.’", "A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of firecrackers on her right thigh, right up just below her bikini line. She also wants him to put 'Happy Diwali' under the firecrackers.

So the guy does it and it comes out looking real good.

The woman then instructs him to put a tattoo of buckets of water with 'Happy Holi' up on her left thigh.

So the guy does it and it comes out looking good too.

As the woman is getting dressed to leave, the tattoo artist says, 'If you don't mind, could you tell me why you had me put such unusual tattoos on your thighs?'

She said, 'I'm sick and tired of my husband complaining all the time that there's nothing good to eat between Diwali and Holi.'", "A woman guest approaches the bar in a small restaurant.

She calls the guy at the bar and when he is standing in front of her, she asks him in a very seductive way to come nearer. Then she bends over the desk and starts to caress his beard. 'Are you the owner of this place?' she asks and touches tenderly his cheek.

'Ehhh. No. Not at all!' he replies.

'Would you please call him here?' the lady asks and gently touches his hair.

'Oh, I'm very sorry. But no. Impossible!' the man sighs.

'Would you then please do me a great favour?' the lady asks and follows gently the line of his lips.

'Of course. What ever you wish!' the man moans.

'I want to leave a message for the boss!' she says and let first one - then two - fingers slip into his mouth which he gently sucks on.

'What message?' he asks with the two fingers in his mouth.

'Please tell him that there is no paper, nor soap, nor towel in the lady's room!'", "A guy and a gal meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.

A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again.

The girl has been watching him and says, 'You must be a dentist.'

The guy, surprised, says 'Yes....how did you figure that out?'

'Easy,' she replied, 'you keep washing your hands.'

One thing led to another and they make love. After they are done, the girl says, 'You must be a really good dentist.'

The guy, now with a boosted ego says, 'Well yes, I'm a good dentist. How did you figure that out?'

'Didn't feel a thing!'", "A man and a woman were waiting in line at the hospital donation center.

Man: 'What are you doing here today?'

Woman: 'Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're going to give me Rs. 200 for it.'

Man: 'Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me Rs. 1000.'

The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways. Several months later, the same man and woman meet again in the same line.

Man: 'Hi there! Here to donate blood again?'

Woman: (shaking her head with mouth closed) 'Unh unh.'", "Jaswinder was involved in a serious crash; there's blood everywhere.

She's rushed to the hospital where she's put on a stretcher almost unconcious.

Doctor: OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed.

Jaswinder: Ok.

Doctor: Ok the how many fingers am I putting up?

Jaswinder: Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!", "Santa Singh, woke up after the annual office Diwali bash party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.

After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some breakfast in front of him.

'Jaswinder' he moaned, 'tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?'

'Even worse,' she said, her voice oozing scorn. 'You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonising the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face.'

'He's an asshole,' Santa Singh said. 'Piss on him.'

'You did,' came the reply. 'And he fired you.'

'Well, screw him!' said Santa Singh.

'I did. You're back at work on Monday.'", "A little girl walks into her parents' bathroom and notices for the First time, her father's nakedness.

Immediately, she is curious: he has equipment that she doesn't have. She asks, 'What are those round things hanging there, daddy?'

Proudly, he replies, 'Those, sweetheart, are God's Apples of Life.

Without them we wouldn't be here.'

Puzzled, she seeks her mommy out and tells her what daddy has said.

To which mommy asks, 'Did he say anything about the dead branch they're hanging from?'", "It was rush hour and the bus was packed. One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said, 'Sir, if you don't stop poking me with your thing, I'm going to the cops!'

'I don't know what you're talking about miss - that's just my pay check in my pocket.'

'Oh really,' she spat. 'Then you must have some job, because that's the fifth raise you've had in the last half hour!'", "A worried father confronted his daughter one night. 'I don't like that new boyfriend, he's rough and common and bloody stupid!'

'Oh no, Daddy,' the daughter replied, 'He's ever so clever, we've only been going out nine weeks and he's cured me of that illness I used to get once a month.'

", "Santa Singh is sitting on a rather empty train across from a good looking girl wearing a tight mini skirt.

Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realises she has gone without underwear.

The girl realises he is staring and asks, 'Are you looking at my pussy?'

'Yes, I'm sorry,' says Santa and promises to avert his eyes.

'It's quite alright,' replies the woman, 'It's very talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you.'

Sure enough the pussy blows him a kiss.

Santa, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the wonder pussy can do.

'I can also make it wink,' says the woman. Santa stares in amazement as the pussy winks at him.

'Come and sit next to me,' suggests the woman, patting the seat. Santa moves over.

The woman is now visibly horny and asks Santa, 'Would you like to push a couple of your fingers in?'

Stunned, Santa replies, 'What! Can it whistle, too?'

", "A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.

'Mother, where do babies come from?'

The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, 'Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.'

The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, 'That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.'

The child seems to comprehend.

'Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?'

'Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.'

From: Saraswati", "Santa Singh was driving along the highway when a police officer pulled him over for speeding. The officer is Banta Singh.

Officer: May I see your licence?

Santa Singh: License? What does it look like?

Officer: Its a rectangular thing with a photo of you on it.

Santa looks around the car for a rectangular piece of object and finds a compact mirror used by his wife in the glove compartnment.

Santa Singh: Here - this is all I have!

Banta Singh opens it up and says: Oye yaar! Why didn't you tell me! I can't fine you - you're also a police officer!

", "A doctor gets a visit from a patient who is not able to get an erection.

Doctor: Are you married?

Patient: No.

Doctor: Do you masturbate?

Patient: No.

Doctor: Do you visit prostitutes?

Patient: No.

Doctor: Do you have girlfriends?

Patient: No.

Doctor: To phir khada karke kya calender taangega?

From: Balvinder", "The local paper in Delhi carries an advert for a job opening for a male for the post of 'ladies pubic hair shaver'.

Santa Singh rings up the number shown, and the man answers the phone asks him some questions.

'First things first,' he says. 'Are you single?'

'Oh yes,' says the applicant.

'That's good,' says the man, 'we've had a lot of trouble in the past with people who are married. Their wives get annoyed. Now, secondly, do you have a current ten-year passport?'

'Yes,' says the young applicant.

'Brilliant,' says the man. 'Often we find that people have a problem with travelling all over the globe for shaving young models who travel to different countries.

'Oh no, not me,' says Santa. 'I love to travel.'

'Great,' says the man. 'And what about supermodels? Do you think you'd have a problem getting close to beautiful women like Aishwarya, Sushmita? Apart from shaving them, you might even have to party with them and keep them company. How would you deal with that?'

'I'd be fine,' says the applicant.

'I love talking to women and I don't think I'd be intimidated.'

'Excellent,' says the man. 'Now, what about the shaving of the most private parts of a woman? Would you get flustered peeling bikini bottoms off beautiful women, foaming them up and shaving their pubic regions? This sort of intimacy can sometimes make a man nervous.'

'No way,' says Santa Singh. 'I have no problem with nudity or intimacy with gorgeous women. I'd be both discreet and charming.'

'Well,' says the man, 'you sound as if you could be just right for the job. I'll send you a rail-ticket for Kanyakumari.'

'Is that where my first job is?' asks Santa very excited.

'Oh no,' says the man. 'That's where the queue for the interviews starts!'", "On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away Santa Singh went straight round to visit his grandmother. When he asked how his grandpa had died, his granny explained 'He had a heart attack during sex on Sunday morning'

Horrified Santa suggested that shagging at the age of 94 was surely asking for trouble.

'Oh no' granny replied, 'We had sex every Sunday morning, in time with the local church bells, in with the dings and out with the dongs.'

She paused, and wiped away a tear. 'If it wasn't for that damn fire engine going past, he'd still be alive!'", "One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle.

She was very attracted to him and during her questions about his life she asked him what he did for sex.

'What's that?' he asked.

She explained to him what sex was and he said 'Oh, I use a hole in the trunk of a tree.'

'Tarzan, you have it all wrong,' she says horrified, 'but I will show you how to do it properly.'

She took off her clothes, laid down on the ground and spread her legs wide.

'Here,' she said, 'You must put it in here.'

Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch.

Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp, 'What the hell did you do that for?'

'Just checking for bees,' said Tarzan.

", "Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one day only to catch him sitting on the side of his bed sliding a condom onto his penis in preparation of sex with his wife.

Johnny's father in attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it bent over as if to look under the bed. Little Johnny asked curiously 'What ya doin dad?'

His father quickly replied, 'I thought I saw a rat go underneath the bed.'

To which Little Johnny replied 'What ya gonna do, screw him?'

From: total", "Jaspinder meets a her school friend after 20 years and tells her how her life has been great and that she has 10 children.

'Wow!' says her friend. 'What are their names?'

'Mandeep, Mandeep, Mandeep, Mandeep, Mandeep, Mandeep, Mandeep, Mandeep, Mandeep and Mandeep,' she answers, smiling proudly.

Her friend looks at her dubiously. 'Really?' she says. 'So what if you want them to come in from playing outside?'

'That's easy, I just shout Mandeep and they all come running,' answers Jaspinder.

Her friend is not convinced. 'And what if you want them to come to the table for dinner?' she asks. 'Again,' she says, 'I just shout 'Mandeep, dinner's ready!''

'But wait a minute,’ says her friend. 'What if you just want one of them to do something?'

'That is slightly more difficult,' says the woman, nodding. 'Then I have to use their last names.'", "An old woman went to visit her daughter and she found her naked, waiting for her husband.

The mother asks the daughter, 'What are you doing naked?'

The daughter responds, 'This is the dress of love.'

When the mother returns home, she strips naked and waits for her husband.

When her husband arrives, he asks her, 'What are you doing naked?'

She responds, 'This is the dress of love.'

'Well,' he says to her, 'go iron it.'

From: Kimi", "A doctor gets a visit from a patient who is not able to get an erection.

Doctor: Are you married?

Patient: No.

Doctor: Do you masturbate?

Patient: No.

Doctor: Do you visit prostitutes?

Patient: No.

Doctor: Do you have girlfriends?

Patient: No.

Doctor: To phir khada karke kya calander taangega?

From: Balvinder", "The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her young students so she took him aside after class one day.

'Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?'

'I'm in love,' replied Little Johnny.

Holding back an urge to smile, the teacher asked, 'With whom?'

'With you!' he said.

'But Little Johnny,' said the teacher gently, 'don't you see how silly that is? Sure I'd like a husband of my own someday... but I don't want a child.'

'Oh, don't worry,' said Little Johnny reassuringly, 'I'll use a condom!'

From: vikram", "After an enjoyable eighteen hole of golf, a man stopped in a bar for a beer before heading home. There he struck up a conversation with a ravishing young beauty. They had a couple of drinks, liked each other, and soon she invited him over to her apartment. For two hours they made mad, passionate love.

On the way home, the the man's conscience started bothering him something awful. He loved his wife and didn't want this unplanned indiscretion to ruin their relationship, so he decided the only thing to do was come clean.

'Honey,' he said when he got home, 'I have a confession to make. After I played golf today, I stopped by the bar for a beer, met a beautiful woman, went back to her apartment and made love to her for two hours. I'm sorry, it won't ever happen again, and I hope you'll forgive me.'

His wife scowled at him and said, 'Don't lie to me, you sorry scumbag! You played thirty-six holes, didn't you?'

From: jhumroo", "A nervous lady sat on a dentist's chair to get her tooth extracted, seeing too many instruments she got frightened.

'Doctor, I would rather have my baby than my tooth pulled out'

The dentist retorted 'Well make up your mind so that I can adjust the chair accordingly'.

From: rohit", "Santa Singh was talking to his friend Banta about his love life.

'So, Santa, how's it going with the girls?'

'Women, to me, are nothing but sex objects.'

'Really?'

'Yes,' Santa shook his head, 'Whenever I mention sex, they object.'

From: chalu", "Feeling very lonely because her husband had died the year before, a lady decides to buy a parrot to keep her company.

'I’ve got just the thing for you,' says the pet-shop owner. 'This is Madhuri, a female parrot - she will chat sweetly to you all day.'

The lady is delighted and buys the bird. When she gets the parrot home she says, ‘Come on, Madhuri - say something.'

Madhuri says ‘My name is Madhuri. I like to fuck and I want some sex!'

The old lady is shocked and nearly passes out. She leaves it for an hour or so and approaches the parrot once more. But no luck: 'My name is Madhuri and I want to fuck!'

Just then her local pandit calls and the woman feels she must askhim for help. She explains her bad luck with the parrot.

'Don’t worry,’ says the pandit, 'I’ve got three parrots at home and I’ve taught them so well that all they do is pray all day! Let me take Madhuri to them and they’ll make her a good parrot.'

The widow agrees and so the pandit leaves with Madhuri. He gets home and tells his parrots, 'This is Madhuri, she is bad, you must teach her to be good.'

Madhuri shouts, ‘My name is Madhur, I like to fuck and I want sex now.'

The pandit’s parrots look at each other and one shouts, ‘I told you if we prayed long enough...'

", "An old woman goes into a sex shop and asks the assistant if she can have a look at an assortment of vibrators.

Despite a wide range of colours, shapes and sizes, none of them appeal to the old lady.

She looks up and says to the assistant, 'Can I have a look at that red one up there on the shelf?'

'No,' replies the shop assistant. 'That's my thermos flask.'

", "Boy to a dark girl: Kitni kali ho!
Girl: Isme tere baap ka kya jata hai!
Boy: Agar mere baap ka gaya hota to itni kaali nahu hoti!


From: Nagendra", "A girl selling sandwiches on the beach, asks a sardarji: 'SARDARJEE SANDWICH LO GE?'

Sardarji replied: 'Sand wich kyoon? Asi te room wich lewaange!'

From: Ahsan", "A man enters the hospital for a circumcision. When he comes to after the procedure, he’s perturbed to see several doctors standing around his bed.

'Son, there’s been a bit of a mix-up,' admits the surgeon.

'I’m afraid there was an accident, and we were forced to perform a sex-change operation. You now have a vagina instead of a penis.'

'What!' gasps the patient. 'You mean I’ll never experience another erection?'

'Oh, you might,' the surgeon reassures him. 'Just not yours.'", "QUESTION: What is the similarity between burnt toast and pregnant a girlfriend?
ANSWER: In both cases the guy thinks,'Do second pehle nikal liya hota to kitna acha hota'

From: Vipul Jain", "A man and his wife go to the site of their honeymoon for their 25th anniversary. As the couple is reflecting on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asks the husband, 'When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?'

The husband replies, 'All I wanted to do was fuck your brains out and suck your tits dry.'

'What are you thinking now?' the wife asks as she undresses.

The husband quickly replies: 'It looks like I did a pretty good job.'", "Ek press wala Laaloji se poonchta hain:

Aap ne apne ghar me 11 bachee kaise kiye?

To Lalooji bole:

Kyunki hum rubber se jyada rabdi ko use kiya hu na!

From: prateek", "Agar Congress is desh ka shaan hai,
To BJP is desh ka sartaj hai!

Agar Sonia ki choot shabnam ka shabab hai,
To Atal ji ka land bhi Lucknow ka nawab!

From: pranav", "An old woman went to visit her daughter and she found her naked, waiting for her husband.

The mother asks the daughter, 'What are you doing naked?'

The daughter responds, 'This is the dress of love.'

When the mother returns home, she strips naked and waits for her husband.

When her husband arrives, he asks her, 'What are you doing naked?'

She responds, 'This is the dress of love.'

'Well,' he says to her, 'go iron it.'

From: Kimi", "A high society woman from Mumbai decides to have a facelift for her birthday. She spends one lakh rupees and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home she stops at a newsstand to buy a paper. Before leaving, she asks the sales clerk, 'I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?'

'About 32', the clerk replies.

'I'm actually 47,' the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonalds and upon getting her order, asks the counter girl the same question. She replies, 'I'd guess about 29'. The woman replies, 'Nope, I am 47.'

Now she is feeling really good about herself. While waiting at the airport, she notices an old man, Santa Singh the same question. He replies, 'I'm 78 and my eyesight is starting to go. Although, when I was young, there was a sure way to tell how old a woman was, but it requires you to let me put my hands up your shirt and feel you. Then I can tell exactly how old you are.'

They waited in silence on the empty street until curiosity got the best of the woman and she finally says, 'What the hell, go ahead.'

Santa Singh slips both hands up her shirt, under her bra, and begins to feel around.

After a couple of minutes she says, 'Okay, Okay, how old am I?'

Santa removes his hands and says, 'You are 47.'

Stunned the woman says, 'That is amazing. How did you know?'

Santa Singh replies, 'I was behind you in line at McDonalds.'", "One day Laloo Yadav got a call from the devil. The devil said your day is coming soon and you get to pick where you want to go. So Laloo said, 'OK lets go!' So the first trip was to hell.

The devil said here's door #1 and inside was all the food you could eat , Door #2 was a nice sunny beach resort , and finally door #3 was a woman on her knees sucking a mans dick.

So the devil said, 'Now since you did so many bad things on earth you have to stay with me in hell, but you get the choice of what room you want to stay in for eternity!'

So Laloo said, 'Well all of them where good I guess I choose door #3!'

So the devil said, 'OK Lewinsky get up off your knees you have a replacement.'

From: total", "After a long night of making love the young guy rolled over, was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another man on a desk in the distance.

Naturally, the guy began to worry.

'Is this your husband?' he inquired nervously.

'No, silly,' she replied, snuggling up to him.

'Your boyfriend then?' he asked.

'No, not at all,' she said, nibbling away at his ear.

'Well, who is he then?' demanded the bewildered guy.

Calmly, the girl replied, 'That's me before the operation.'

From: latif", "A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to see a gynaecologist. The doctor takes one good look at this woman and his professionalism is a thing of the past. Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh.

As he does he says to the woman: 'Do you know what I`m doing ?'

'Yes,' she says, 'you`re checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities.'

'Correct,' says thedoctor.

He then begins to fondle her breasts. 'Do you know what I`m doing now',he says.

'Yes,' says the woman, 'you`re checking for any lumps or breastcancer.'

'That`s right,' replies the doctor. He then gradually proceeds to having sexual intercourse with her. 'Do you know,' he pants 'what I`m doing now?'

'Yes,' she says. 'You`re getting herpes.'

From: dharma", "A guy goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell, and the wife answers.

'Hi, is Santa home?'

'No, he went to the store.'

'Well, you mind if I wait?'

'No, come in.'

They sit down and the friend says 'You know Jaspinder, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a thousand bucks if I could just see one.'

Jaspinder thinks about this for a second and figures what the hell - a thousand bucks. She opens her robe and shows one. He promptly thanks her and throws a thousand bucks on the table.

They sit there a while longer and Banta says 'They are so beautiful I've got to see the both of them. I'll give you another thousand bucks if I could just see the both of them together.'

Jaspinder thinks about this and thinks what the hell, opens her robe, and gives Banta a nice long look. Banta thanks her, throws another thousand bucks on the table, and then says he can't wait any longer and leaves.

A while later Santa arrives home and his wife says 'You know, your weird friend Banta came over. '

Santa thinks about this for a second and says 'Well did he drop off the 2000 bucks he owes me?'

From: bandu", "Salman Khan arrives home to find 'Salman is an idiot' written right in front of his door.

He says to his friend: 'That's strange - this seems to be written in urine.... Do some tests and find out who did it.'

Later that day, his friend returns to Salman.

'Bad news, I'm afraid! The urine is that of Vivek Oberoi!'

'I would have expected that...', Salman says, 'Why is that bad?'

'Well, the handwriting is Aishwarya's!'", "A doctor is examining a girl of admirable proportions.

Holding his stethoscope up to her chest, he says, 'Okay, big breaths!'

'Yeth, I know,' said the girl, 'and I'm only sixtheen...'", "While walking his beat, a policeman is bemused to find a Santa Singh, clearly drunk, staggering about with a key in his hand.

'They've stolen my car,' the drunk shouts. 'It was right here earlier on the end of this key.'

'More importantly, sir,' says the policeman. 'Do you know your penis is hanging out?'

'Oh my God,' wails the drunk Santa. 'They've got my girlfriend as well!'", "A teacher asks her class if anyone could use the word 'indefinitely' in a sentence. Well, Little Puttu Swami has his hand raised in the back of the class. But the teacher knows he's a trouble maker and that he doesn't know the answer, so she calls on Ramesh.

Ramesh replies, 'Due to the weather, school was canceled indefinitely.'

'Good' the teacher replies.

'What about you Suresh ?'

Suresh says, 'Since the bus broke down, transportation was stopped indefinitely.'

The teacher then says that the sentence was too much like the other one, and she asks if anyone can use it in a different way. So there's Little Puttu Swamy waving his hand. And the teacher thinks ... (Maybe he really does know the answer), so she calls on him. Puttu Swamy stands up and says:

'As I felt my balls slap off her ass, I knew that I was in definitely!'

From: D.Bisaria" );