var text = new Array(
"Santa - Main tumse Shaadi nahi kar sakta.<BR>GF - Kyon!<BR><BR>Santa - Mere ghar wale mana kar rahe hain.GF - Kaun hai!<BR><BR>Santa - Meri bibi aur baache.",
"Santa got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket.<BR><BR>He gave Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said 'April fool'.<BR><BR>I have pass.",
"Banta ke ghar ladka hua, par wo phir bhi dukhi tha?<BR><BR>Kyon?<BR><BR>Itne saalo baad, itni manato ke baad ladka hua wo bhi chhota sa...!",
"Titanic was sinking.<BR><BR>English Man: How much the earth is far from here?<BR><BR>Santa: 2 kilo meter.<BR><BR>English Man jumped into the sea and asked again: '...In which direction?'<BR><BR>Santa: Downwards !! ",
"1 Class me 2do Ladkiya, 1 gori 1 kali.<BR><BR>Kali Gori se Tu konsi cream lagati hai?<BR><BR>Gori: FAIR & LOVELY or tum?<BR><BR>Piche baitha Banta bola 'Cherry Blosmo'",
"3 Chimps escaped from the zoo...<BR><BR> 1 was caught watching tv... <BR>another playing football and <BR>the third one was caught reading this txt message",
"MANDIR<BR><BR>Mandir mein jaap karta hoon,<BR>Masjid mein adaab karta hoon,<BR>Insaan se kahin bhagwan na ban jaun,<BR>isliye roz tujhko SMS karke paap karta hoon...",
"Laloo: Petrol price increase hone ka hum ko koi farak nahi padta.<BR><BR> Pehle bhi hum 100 rupye ka bharvata tha,<BR> ab bhi 100 ka hi bharvata hoon.",
"On their first night:<BR><BR>Husband: Is it really ur first night?<BR><BR>Wife: No... No... actually it is first time at night!",
"Two girls returning from movie<BR><BR>1st: mere rupaye chori ho gaye!<BR>2nd: tu to blouse mein rakhti thi phir kaise?<BR>1st: muje kya pata saala chori kar raha hai.",
"TUSI bade hi gr8 ho,<br>RASGULLE ki pl8 ho,<br>PEPSI ka cr8 ho,<br>ANDE ka oml8 ho,<br>SMS KARANE ME bade le8 ho,<br>JALEBI ki tarah stra8 ho,<br>KHER jo bhi ho mere fevr8 ho...!",
"A lady delivered twins.<BR><BR>Suprisingly one is a boy and another is a dog how it is possible?<BR><BR>B'coz her husband is HUTCH DEALER.... wherever you go out network follows.",
"Recommended Dosage of VIAGRA<BR><BR>New Girl friend: No need,<BR>Old G/f: 1/2 tablet,<BR>Mistress: 1 tablet,<BR>Wife: 2 tabs + whisky + blue film + will power",
"Panditji: I am so  miser (kanjoos)  that I went alone for my honeymoon and saved half the money.<BR><BR>Bania: That is nothing, I saved full money. I sent my wife for honeymoon with a friend. ",
"Musharraf:  Jab main paida hua tha to military valon ne 51 topen chalai.<BR><BR>Santa: Kamal hai, sabka nishana chook gaya? ",
"Garib Wife- suno ji 'WHISPER' chahiye.<BR><BR>Garib husband- yaha bhukh mitane ke liye ROTI nahi aur tujhe ch**t sukhane k liye DOUBLEROTI chahiye",
"Kya bindas hava chal rahi hai,<BR>birdy gaana ga rahe hain,<BR>Cow log grass eat rahe hain,<BR>shaane log SMS kar rahe hain<BR>aur dhakkan log SMS padh rahe hain ",
"<B>Do you drink?</B><BR><BR>'Do you drink?' the girl's father inquired of his prospective son-in-law.<BR><BR>First tell me whether it is a question or an invitation' asked son-in-law. ",
"<B>Husband & wife talak ke baad.</B><BR><BR>Husband: Bache mere hai<BR><BR>Lady: Wah ji wah! Bartan mera,dudh mera, thoda sa khatta kya dal diya pura dahi tera!",
"Ek train bohot time baad chali.<BR><BR>Muslim kehta: Ya Ali bla tali.<BR><BR>Hindu kehta: Jai Bajrang Bali.<BR><BR>Sikh kehta: Arre Ali aur Bali, train apni nahi, saath vali chali !!! ",
"One sperm to another b4 masturbating..<BR><BR>'main doctor banunga'<BR>'main engineer banunga'..<BR>'main lawyer banunga'<BR>'main IAS banunga'....<BR><BR>After masturbating... all feel... 'SAALA MERA KARIAYAR (CAREER) BARBAAD KARDIYA'...",
"A Friendship is Sweet when its NEW<BR><BR>Its Sweeter when its TRUE<BR><BR>But Its Sweetest when the friend is like U.",
"1 Technical question:<BR><BR>Where u find MANGOES..?<BR><BR>On mango tree...?No<BR>Fruit shop...?No<BR><BR>ANS: Where ever WOMEN goes.!<BR><BR>Peeche-Peeche MANgoes",
"Husband: Today is sunday & I have to enjoy it. So I bought 3 movie tickets.<BR><BR>Wife: Why Three?<BR><BR>Husband: For you and your parents.",
"Two Prostitutes were talking..<BR><BR>1st-We r in the best business in the world.<BR><BR>2nd-Hows that?<BR><BR>1st-We have it, we sell it, and we Still have it!",
"Bhikhari:  Sahib ik rupaiya de do.<BR><BR>Sahib: Kal anna.<BR><BR>Bhikhari: Iss kal kal ke chakkar mein iss colony mein mere lakhon rupaiye fasse hue hai!",
"KISS KISS<BR><BR>Kiss is not like Nokia…Connecting People<BR>Kiss is not like Nike… Just Do It.<BR>Kiss is not like Pepsi… Yeh Dil Maange More<BR>But Kiss is like Pan Parag… Ek Se Mera Kya Hoga",
"Dur jab gaon mein<BR>maa baap sote nahin<BR>to bacha kahta hai<BR>maa so jao nahin<BR>to ak aur bacha aa jayega.",
"A Door Knocks Twice.<BR>Insider Asks: Who's There?<BR>Outsider:It's 'OPPORTUNITY'.<BR>Insider:Wrong...<BR>Outsider:How did u know?<BR>Insider:OPPORTUNITY Never Knocks Twice.",
"Kitna pyaar karte hai hum unse,<BR>kaash unko bhi yeh ehsaas ho jaaye.<BR>Magar aisa na ho ke woh hosh mein tab aaye,<BR>jab hum gahri neend mein so jaaye.",
"Raped by an elephant, man goes to doctor.<BR><BR>Dr: Funny, ur ass is 10 inches wide but an elephant cock is only 3 inches Wide.<BR><BR>Man: Yes but that bastard fingered.",
"A newly married girl got first class in  B.Ed.<BR><BR>Her excited husband sent SMS to his father-in-law: Your daughter is first class in Bed.",
"Ghadi ditergent tikiyya walo k yahan beti ke rishte ke liye line lagi hui thi.. Kyuki..unka dava hai<BR><BR>'PEHLI ISTEMAL KARO PHIR VISHWAS KARO..'",
"Zindagi jaise ek saza si ho gayi hai,<BR>gamm ke saagar me is kadar kho gayi hai,<BR>tum kar do ek SMS yeh gujarish hai meri,<BR>tumari SMS ki adat si ho gayi hai.",
"<B>Degrees of girls!</B><BR><BR>B.A.=Beautiful Angel<BR>B.E.=Beautiful Eyes<BR>B.Sc.=Beautiful Structure<BR>B.L.=Beautiful Lips<BR>M.B.A.=Married But available..",
"Govt. of India has introduced a new rule:<BR>'Good Looking people should be thrown out of the country!!!'<BR>You are safe....<BR>Where should i hide?????",
"Wat is the similarity between a cake and panty?<BR>?<BR>?<BR>?<BR><BR>Both have black forest in it!",
"Voh choom le ik bar to aati nahi neend<BR>Unki meethi avaz mein jati hai raat beet<BR>Iss liye kehta hu ye risk na uthao<BR>All out lagao machar bhagao… ",
"Shukar hai ki aapke hath aasmaan tak nahi pahunch paate...<BR><BR>Varna sitare kya chij hai aap to pariyo ki gand mein bhi ungali dal aate.",
"Himesh  Reshmya ka kutta ghar se bhag gaya, use pucha gaya kyon bhaaga?<BR><BR>usne kaha ki raat ko practice woh karta hai or subah log mujhe maarte hai!",
"Baniya on his death bed.<BR><BR>My wife,r u here?<BR>yes i m here.<BR>My son?<BR>yes father.<BR>My daughter,r u here?<BR>yes v r here dad.<BR><BR>Phir kameeno dukaan par kaun hai!",
"Wife Bought A New Transparent Bra,<BR><BR>Wore It InFront Of Husband.<BR><BR>Husband: Isme Tum Badi Sexy Lag Rahi Ho,<BR><BR>Wife: Hmm..Pata Hai! Salesman Bhi yahi keh raha tha",
"<B>HOT NEWS:</B><BR><BR>Aishwarya is being hospitalised because of SUICIDE ATTEMPT.<BR>Watch Aaj Tak immediately.<BR><BR>REASON:<BR>she proposed ME and I said, that i m married.",
"Bhikari : saab Rs 6 de do coffee pina hai<BR><BR>Man : kyon ek coffee to Rs 3 mein milti hai <BR><BR>Bhikari : par saab sath me girl friend hai <BR><BR>Man : bhikari ho kar girl friend banali<BR><BR>Bhikari : nai saab girl friend ne bhikari bana diya",
"Preeto:Darling, aaj kuch aisa karo ke mere paseenay nikal jaayen!<BR><BR>Banta gets up and switches off the AC & fan.",
"Machchar ne aapko kata wo uska JUNUN tha,<BR>aapne khujli ki wo aapka SUKUN tha,<BR>chahkar bhi aapne use nahi mara bcoz<BR>uski ragon mein bhi aapka hi KHOON tha.",
"A man sees on a girls t-shirt it says 'handle with care'<BR><BR>Next day he wears a jeans & writes 'candle with hair'",
"2 men sitting in a kabristan were talking.<BR><BR>One said: Yeh murde bare aram se apni kabron mein sote hain.<BR><BR>Sare murde uth khare hue aur bole: Kiyun na soye, yeh jaga apni jaan de ke hasil kee hai...",
"Complete the sentence:<BR><BR>_____LAND_____ BHAARI CH00T<BR><BR>.<BR><BR>.<BR><BR>.<BR><BR>tumhari soch gandi hai.<BR><BR><BR>Ans: BSNL LANDLINE PAR BHAARI CH00T",
"Chuha sherni ko propose karta hai<BR><BR>Sherni: apni shakal dekhi hai aaine mein??<BR><BR>Chuha: Arre shakal pe mat ja..... mera confidence to dekh!!",
"Boy: can i touch ur software?<BR>Girl: first show me ur hardware?<BR><BR>Boy: should i install it in ur system?<BR>Girl: Oky but cover it with antivirus, then install it.",
"Ik aadmi kabar ke oopar baitha tha. Musafir ne poocha dar nahi lagta?<BR><BR><B>Aadmi:</B> Darne ki kya baat hai, andar garmi bohot thi thori der ke liye kabar se bahar aaya hoon.",
"A little girl asked a Call Girl: Aunty you have bungalow, cars, cash balance.. <BR><BR>What is ur business!<BR><BR>Call Girl: Bas ek Chota sa 'Hole Sale' ka business hai.",
"Wife: Peechay betha hua shakhs meri bra main haath daal raha hai.<BR><BR>Santa: oye chup kar! us ko kia pata ke purse mere paas hai",
"Never kiss a policewomen-she'l say stop hands up,<BR>never kiss a nurse shel say next please,<BR>Always kiss a teacher she'l say repeat it 5 times..",
"Q: Wat da difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED?<BR><BR>A: When u Marry a right Girl u r Complete & when u Marry a wrong Girl u r Finished.",
"Finally scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.<BR><BR>.<BR><BR>.<BR><BR>.<BR><BR>It's called the Wedding Cake.",
"<B>Boy to friend:</B> Dekho voh ladki meri taraf dekh ke muskura rahi hai.<BR><BR><B>Friend:</B> Yeh to kutch bhi nahi, jab maine pehli bar tumari shakal dekhi thi to 3 din apni hassi nahi rok paya tha.",
"Could you fax me your photo very very urgently? Mind you.<BR><BR>It's really very very urgent, damn serious and very important,<BR><BR>I'm playing cards and we've misplaced the JOKER.",
"Girl goes 2 Dr with mom<BR><BR>Girl : Medical checkup krana hai<BR>Dr : sare kapde utar k parde k piche let jao...<BR><BR>Girl : mera nahi mummy ka!<BR>Dr : oh!...mataji Jeeb bahar nikaaliye.",
"DUSRA TAJMAHEL BHI BAN JAYENGE,<BR><BR>BHARAT PAKISTHAN BHI EK HO JAYENGE,<BR><BR>INSAN BHI CHAND PAR REHNE JAYENGE,<BR><BR>PAR................<BR><BR>KHUDA HI JANE APKA MSG  KAB AYEGA.",
"Why r Dr.'s prescriptions impossible to read?<BR><BR>Cause they al have the xclusive msg only 4 the chemist.<BR>(Maine patient ko loot lia hai ab teri bari)....",
"Maths and women are the two most complicated things in the world....<BR><BR>But maths at least has logic!",
"Hotho se jo choo liya, Ehsaas Aab tak hai,<BR>Aankhe Nam hai, Aur sanson mein Aag ab tak hain,<BR>Aur kyon na ho...<BR>Khayi Bhi to 'HARI Mirch' hai.",
"Modern definition of a Kiss<BR><BR>A kiss is an application to the upper headquarters to get a job at the lower office.",
"Vo bi kya din the jab ladkian apko apni baho main leti thi kiss karti thi aur kehti thi:<BR><BR>Kitna pyara baccha hai!!!",
"No girl is ready to marry dhoni. why?<BR><BR>Because he says that 'He drinks 8litrs milk everyday'<BR><BR>So no girl wants to take risk.",
"Aap ek bahut hi achhche, intellegent,brave,smart,Amazign, Awesome beautiful ladki  kaa message phadh rahe hain",
"Na lakhon mein<BR>na hazaaron mein<BR>na chand mein<BR>na sitaron mein<BR>humne aapko dekha hai<BR><BR><BR><BR><BR>chapal uthate MANDIRO. mein.! ",
"True friends always stand behind you in your bad times!<BR><BR>Pls check ur marriage album all ur friends were standing behind you.",
"You are genius, your mind is a master piece,<BR>It is divided into left and right.<BR>In the left part nothing is right,<BR>And in right part nothing is left.",
"An X-RAY specialist was briefing about breast shadows.<BR><BR>He said, 'Women's breasts come  in  three sizes<BR><BR>PingPong, DingDong & KingKong",
"Chor ik ghar main chori karne gaya.<BR><BR>Tijori pe likha tha 'Tijori ko todne ki jarurat nahi hai 452 number press karke sahmne vala lal batan dabao, tijori khul jaegi. Jaise hi batan daba alarm baja aur police aa gayi.<BR><BR>Jate jate chor seth se bola: aaj mera insaniyat se vishvas uth gaya hai!!! ",
"Similarity between moov cream and dick,<BR><BR>andar tak jaye,<BR>garmahat laye,<BR>aaram dilaye,<BR>aaahhh se,<BR>aaahhhhhhh tak!",
"Ek ladka ek ladki ki t-shirt par bani billi goor raha tha.<BR><BR>Ladki - kabhi billi nahi dekhi kya?<BR><BR>ladka - billi to bahut dekhe hain par doodh ki rakhwali karti hui billi pehli baar dekh raha hoon.",
"Girl:What is your hobby?<BR>Boy:Horse riding.<BR><BR>Girl:When did you ride a horse last time ?<BR>Boy:At the time of my marriage.",
"How do u differetiate between acow and bull?<BR><BR>Try milking both of them....<BR>The one that smiles is the BULL!",
"Sanam teri duniya chod denge,<BR>Teri taraf aye tufan ko mod denge,<BR>Lekin tune jo sath choda,<BR>Kasam teri haddiyan tod denge.",
"Sara pani chhu kar honton se<BR>gulabi kar gaya,<BR>woh nadi ki machliyon tak ko<BR>sharabi kar gaya.",
"Har Sawal Se Dat Kar Ladna,<BR>Fekne Me Kami Mat Karna,<BR>Mouka Mila To Peche Bhi Dekhna,<BR>Aur Ek Baath Yaad Rakhna,<BR>Aage Wala Ka Paper Apna Samajhna",
"A Guy's Job<BR><BR>A guy sticks his location,<BR>In a girl's destination,<BR>To increase the population,<BR>For the next generation.<BR>Do you get my explanation?<BR>Or do you need a demonstration?",
"Santa to his servant: Go and water the plants.<BR>Servant: It`s already raining.<BR><BR>Santa: So what take an umbrella and go.",
"A hen lays an egg at Indo-Pak border. Both countries start fighting over egg. Finally Indians say whoever kiss more women in other country will keep the egg. Pakis say ok. Indians go to Pak and kiss 1000 women.<BR><BR>Excited Pakis say its our turn now.<BR><B>Indians say:</B> Keep the egg.<BR><B>Jai Hind !!! </B>",
"Sanata sex karte hue wife se bola aaj pitch gili hai jaldi out ho jaunga.<BR><BR>Wife boli apko to out hone ka bahana chaiye kal isi pitch pe Banta ne shatak lagaya tha.",
"Why has the govt fixed voting age 18 yrs & marriage age- 21 yrs?<BR><BR>Govt.. Kuyo ke ye pata hai ki desh sambhalna aasaan hai, lekin biwi nahi....",
"Boy:I'm not rich like tony & I don't have a big car or palace like tony , but I really love u.<BR><BR>Girl:I love u too,<BR>but tell me more about tony....",
"Man: Sardarji where were U born?<BR>Sardarji: Punjab.<BR><BR>Man: Which part?<BR>Sardar: Oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body Is born in Punjab Yaar. ",
"A Chinese man took his pregnant wife to the hospital to deliver.<BR><BR>The wife however gave birth to a black baby.<BR><BR>The Chinese man who was shocked named him: SOME TIN WONG...",
"Why were males created before females?<BR><BR>Because you always need a rough draft before the final copy. "
);